Sample Articles

Extra from Volume 14#4

By Kandace E.

One of the saddest passages of Scripture to me has always been where Cain, after slaying his younger brother Abel, defiantly answers God and declares, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” I can imagine him there, jaw clinched, his fist tight, as he passionately confirms his hatred of his good brother, directly to the God that lovingly formed both.

This story shows how defiled our own hearts are—even when given the greatest teachings, an excellent family, and as in the case of Adam and Eve, the privilege to speak directly with God! This reiterates the pressing need for us to rely on our Savior to perform a good work in us with regard to all of our relationships. A work that transforms our sinful, selfish tendencies, into a beautiful testimony of the good that can come of God-honoring relationships.

A few examples of redemptive relationships that I love in God's Word are those of Joseph and his brothers, of David and Jonathan, and the amazing feat of Noah and his three sons working together to build the ark. After reading example after example Throughout Scripture, our holy God encourages His children to actively work at keeping good relationships with all of our brothers and sisters—both physical and spiritual. "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!" (Psalm 133:1)

Now that we understand the importance of edifying, loving sibling relationships, you may ask, “Well, how do I apply this? How do cultivate a good relationship with my siblings?” That is one I have been asking for many years and do not feel that I will ever be able to say that I know just how to do this. However, the Lord has kindly given us a Manual to help us in relation to every one on earth. The goal, in a sense, is not to achieve—but to be in constant work towards that noble goal of peaceful relationships. We must first rely on and trust in God’s redemptive work of reforming our hearts, then seek to apply His Word to our lives.

One of the things I have learned about siblings is that they do not stay around forever! We have to treasure this time we have together. More likely than not, most of your siblings will leave home one day. Redeem the time now, because there will come a day when it will no longer be possible. There are times that I look back upon where I took for granted certain areas of my relationships with my siblings. When the time came and they left home, many areas were exposed that could have been improved upon had I not been prideful. I encourage you to focus on building close relationships with them, so when they are not there anymore, you have a good relationship that will not deteriorate in the years to come.

I am very convicted every time I read the fruits of the Spirit: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance” (Galatians 5:22-23). If we are practicing these fruits of the Spirit, there is nothing we can do to harm our siblings. I love the whole chapter of Galatians five because it does not just give a list of things to check off to have perfect relationships. This chapter gets right at the heart of the matter: “For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Galatians 5:14). I would encourage you to take some time to study and meditate on each aspect of the fruit of the Spirit and diligently practice them in your daily life. It is my prayer that the Lord would enable each of us to practice these fruits more fully.

Humility is an important key to developing genuine, deep relationships with your siblings. Be quick to confess your sins and admit when you are wrong (James 5:16). Demonstrate the to them each day the love, forgiveness, and grace that Jesus has shown you (I John 4:11-12). Put their interests first and serve them (Matthew 25:45).
My parents have encouraged us to seek opportunities for memory-making activities to enjoy together. Some of these for us have been taking swimming/fishing trips, going ice skating together, reading aloud, horseback riding and training, work and projects, and playing volleyball. Learn to take an interest in the things your siblings enjoy!

One of the biggest ways I have been able to invest in relationships has been to work with my siblings in different ways. My two older brothers started a lawn care business when they were very young, and when they went to college they passed it on to my younger brothers. I will never forget the great times I had working with my older brothers! It enabled me to see how it felt to be forgiven, to be corrected, and to be pushed beyond what I thought I was capable. When the time came for me to help my younger brothers with the business (they were not quite old enough to drive themselves), I had a “bank” of relational experience from my older brothers to look back on, that enabled me help my younger brothers through newbie mistakes.

Forgiveness must have been one concept we needed to practice the most, because God certainly gave us many opportunities! Now we all work together in a business that my dad started. The years of practice we had in lawn care are priceless to us now, as we continue to work together in an industry that can support growing families.
When building relationships with my siblings—whether older and younger, at home or away—I try to see if there are any ways I may be able help them. This does not mean taking over their project or responsibilities, but having a servant attitude. For me it has been fetching tools, running errands, making meals, giving a second opinion, searching for a formula or method to make the job easier, or taking care of something until the sibling has more time to care for it again themselves, by doing research, babysitting, or by simply listening and praying for them. By doing this I have had my hand in landscaping, auto mechanics, horse training, beekeeping, cattle ranching, gardening, a small dairy, a poultry operation, house building, barn building, various demolition projects, hunting, knife and leather making, fence building, disaster relief, business accounting and bookkeeping, child care, helping to host political meetings, poll working, quilting, pattern making, hostessing showers, cake baking/decorating, and wedding planning.

Relationships will always be a work in progress! There may be difficult things you face in your sibling relationships, but look at these as opportunities to grow in the fruit of the Spirit. These experiences may expose yourself to challenges that you must meekly work through by the help of the Holy Spirit.

God works mighty things through sibling relationships in His kingdom. Study the fruit of the Spirit and seek to apply it in relation to your siblings. Encourage them with the Word of God and share with them what He is teaching you. And last but not least, seek opportunities through your sibling’s interests, hobbies and work to help them. Perhaps you could even start a small business or ministry with your siblings. Invest in these lives around you, serve them, and point them to Jesus as you follow Him.

Maybe you find yourself without any siblings, or cannot have a working relationship with your siblings, for various reasons. Principles from God's Word stillcan be applied to your relationships with brothers and sisters in Christ…whether it be to an elderly widow, a young mother that needs a little extra help, skill teaching, or with your parent’s goals. If the Lord so wills and blesses you with a husband and children, the ways you have incorporated His guidelines in your relationships now will certainly bless your future family! Sisters, build strong relationships with your siblings—you will always be thankful you did!

Kandace is the third of seven children and lives with her parents and two younger brothers. She has been learning about and taking care of the accounting needs for her father’s air conditioning and heating business. Some of her interest include the arts of homemaking and business, spending time with her nieces, gardening, music, antique car restoration, and art.

RETURN TO SAMPLE ARTICLES INDEX