Sample Articles

Extra from Volume 14#4

By Maria B.

Have you ever struggled to feel completely and totally accepted by others around you? Have friendships sometimes left you desiring something deeper - more permanent? Has being critical of yourself been your way to find acceptance from others? It is my desire that in sharing some of my journey of finding my acceptance in Christ, I may simply point to Christ as the answer to all of life’s problems. Life’s experiences, enhanced with advice from parents and mature friends, have played important roles in my journey to living in freedom. However, all my longings for deeper relationships and self-acceptance have been pointing towards one simple truth – our cravings were given to us by God for one purpose: to lead us to cultivate a deep relationship with our true Father in heaven.

To begin with, I was born into a godly, Christian family with parents who loved and served the Lord and who labored to instill a love for God in each one of their children. I look back on my childhood years with fondness, remembering the carefree years I spent dreaming of new ideas with a childlike zest for life. Worrying about being accepted by other people was not a major issue. In short, I was secure in who I was, and I did not worry about fitting in with everyone else.

The insecurity of my teenage years brought a crop of doubts about who God had created me to be. Unwise comparisons with other girls left me with questions: Why did God create me the way He did? Does anyone want to be friends with me? Does anyone truly love me? Will I ever find the answers to the deep longings within me?

Often these struggles manifested themselves in my life by self-criticism: I could never measure up to my own standards for myself. I could never have the nicest voice, I could never have enough friends, I could not play sports, I could never have the skills other girls confidently displayed. I may have appeared as though I was secure in both the strengths and limitations I had, but this self-negativity gave away the fact that I could not accept myself; I would then conclude that others could not accept me either.

Relationships with other girls then took on another dimension: instead of looking to bless others, I could only think about how others were blessing me, or how I felt hurt by their lack of attention to my own struggles. I felt so needy and insecure! What was my problem? Where was the security and carefree days of negating what others thought of me?

I knew that I was comparing myself too much with other girls. 2 Corinthians 10:12b reminds us, “but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” I could not accept God’s love for myself and others. I was enslaved to believing that I was still an orphan of God - that I had to measure up to some unattainable standard before I could be completely accepted as a daughter of the loving Father. One verse that a mentor couple shared with me was Hebrews 10:14, “For by one offering He hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified.” The word “sanctified” means “to make holy.” Of my own doing, I could never measure up to God’s standards. However, it was God’s work of sanctification that gave me my position in Christ. My self-condemnation was keeping me from believing and acting on the amazing love that Christ showed for every one of His children when He died on the cross. When I could be comforted in God’s love, I could then pass it on to others.

This is not a process of simply “accepting oneself.” It is a process of asking God to fill you with His love and beginning to believe the promises that He has given us in His Word. Imagine if you had created someone – a person – and your creation decided that you made a mistake and did not like something about themselves that you had meticulously designed. How would that make you feel? Similarly, consider how God is saddened when we doubt His choice of design. Who are we to doubt God? Romans 11:33 says, “O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are His judgments, and His ways past finding out!” God’s wisdom and creativity are so superior to our human concepts of design.

A wise mentor told me that I should begin thanking God for how He created me. 1 Thessalonians 5:18a says, “In every thing give thanks.” In every area of life, thanking God is a biblical command. In this way we honor God for His creativity, and it was His creativity that came into play when He made YOU! Thank Him for it! When you are wondering what the purpose of your life is, it seems pointless to do this. However, our greatest command is to love God with all of our heart. Part of this includes recognizing that He designed each person for a reason. Romans 11:36 reminds us, “For of Him, and through Him, and to Him, are all things: to Whom be glory for ever. Amen.” God desires that we bring Him the honor and glory He deserves as the Master Designer!

I realized that no person on earth could fill the God-sized hole in my heart. It was designed to be filled with the fullness of God’s presence. “Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in Thy presence is fulness of joy; at Thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore” (Psalm 16:11). Only with God’s help and the Holy Spirit in my life could I begin to accept how He made me. My feelings of acceptance could not come from my friends, what guys thought of me, or the acceptance I felt from others. Though appearing to be the fulfillment of my longings, these things actually left me feeling emptier than ever. They were never designed to fulfill my heart’s longings.

God is still showing me how much I need Him and how helpless I am to “fix” my life problems on my own strength. Psalm 121:1-2 reminds, “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.” To me, this journey seems unending, but as I begin to surrender to God my life, my ideals, my failures, my insecurities, and my all, He then can purify me into a vessel for His use! It is only in HIS strength that I am completely His.

Maria is currently living in Arkansas, serving at a nursing home, but originated from Plain City, Ohio, where she grew up on a hobby farm with her five siblings. She enjoys good conversations and great ideas, and is learning how to love people as God loves them.

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